批改英语作文,原文来自网络,谨致意。
修改前:
Films and TV series are now not graded in China. Therefore, no matter what kind of film or tv series is being shown, it is common to see parents and children going to the cinema together, or the whole family, grandparents, parents, and children, sitting together in front of the same TV set enjoying the same film or series. Some people think this has given rise to at least two problems.
The first problem is that film makers are caught in a dilemma because they do not know what kind of film they should make to satisfy both the adults and the children. They must make great efforts to meet the satisfaction of the adults, and at the same time go out of their way to avoid imposing bad influence on the children. Consequently, they lose both kinds of audiences, wasting a lot of money.
The second problem is that non graded films and tv series might give young viewers, especially children, the wrong moral impression. They see a lot of violence, sex and crime in films and tv series that are not intended for them. Many young people try to imitate in their daily life what they saw in films and TV series, which are harmful both to the society and to the individuals.
I think it absolutely necessary that the films be graded. I am afraid that some very common misdemeanor among school children and the increased crime rate in teenagers in recent years are partly due to the influence from the films and TV series for adults. Films and TV series ought to educate the young not to ruin them.
修改中:
英语作文修改:电影分级 - 修改中(1)
英语作文修改:电影分级 - 修改中(2)
解说:
"Films and TV series are now not graded in China." —— 这样讲,听上去好像中国电影过去是分级的,但现在不分级了。用"currently"替换"now"。这两个字都有"现在"的意思,但在实际使用中,意味有区别。"now"强调现在的状态与过去不同,原来是一个情况,现在是另一个情况。比如,"I’m studying in the library now"("现在我在图书馆学习了"),这大概就是刚才还在外面,这会儿已经在馆里了。"currently"强调目前是一个状态,但这状态可能不长久,此后会改变。比如,"I’m currently studying in the library"("现在我在图书馆学习"),隐含的意思可能就是,我这会儿在图书馆看书,等一会儿就到其它地方做其它事情。文中这句改成,"Currently, films and TV series are not rated in China."
"graded in China." —— 用"rated"替换"graded"。这两个字相似,有时可以互换,但使用场景也有不同。"grade"通常用来表示"打分",但电影分级通常用"rate"。美国的电影分级制度叫作"motion picture rating system"。
"films and TV series" —— 这个词组在文中多次重复使用,可以在一些地方代之以"movies"、"TV programs"等等,以使词汇多样化。另外,内容方面,文章通篇讲电影和电视,但结论只讲电影分级,不完整。
"it is common to see parents and children going to the cinema together" —— 没错,但可以简化,用"commonly"或"often"替换"it is common to see that"。比如,"parents and children often to go movies together"。
"Therefore, no matter what kind of film or TV series is being shown, it is common to see parents and children going to the cinema together, or the whole family, grandparents, parents, and children, sitting together in front of the same tv set enjoying the same film or series." —— 句子结构不大合适,说了两个情况,去看电影和在家看电视,但条件从句只是一个;严格说,它播放什么电视节目跟我去看电影没关系,反之亦然。分成两句更简单明确。另外,后面列举家庭成员,可以加上"including",修饰前面的"family"。"Parents and children often go to movies together, no matter what kind of a film is being shown. It is also common for a whole family, including grandparents, parents and children, to sit together ..."
"in front of the same TV set" —— 改成"in front of one TV set"。"same one"和"one"意思不同。"same one","同一个",反义是”另外一个"。 "one"是"一个",不同于"两个"或"几个"。而且"same"在这句里还要用一次。
"has given rise to" —— 没错。要简洁一点儿,可以说"has created"、"has caused"。
"The first problem is that" —— 啰嗦,就用"First,"。
"what kind of film they should make" —— "film"是胶卷或者电影的总称。a film或者films是具体的电影作品。"what kind of films to make"
"to meet the satisfaction of the adults" ——"to satisfy the adults";不过,"satisfy"这字前面刚出现过,换一下,"to please the adults"。
"to avoid imposing bad influence on children" —— 生硬,可以改成"to avoid improper influence on children"或者"to avoid improperly affecting children"。
"both kinds of audiences" —— "both audiences"。
"the wrong moral impression" —— 既然是"wrong",也就不那么"moral"。"wrong impressions","wrong ideas"。
"young people" -> "adolescents"。
"are harmful to both" -> "harm both"。用动词,简洁有力。
"I think","I am afraid" —— 很多时候,这种表述没有什么用处。你在写文章,大家已经知道你是在想、在说,没必要就此再做声明。
"some very common misdemeanor among school children and the increased crime rate in teenagers in recent years" —— 这个很罗嗦。"juvenile delinquency"可以大概涵盖这里所说的错与罪。
"Films and TV series ought to educate the young not to ruin them." —— 这一句就是挺突然的,与前面连接不好,然后就没有然后了,整篇文章结束了。开头的地方加半句话,连接前面:"This is outrageous because films and TV programs ought to educate the young, not ruin them." ("这个太气人了,因为影视应该教育孩子而不是毁掉他们。")其后可以再加一句话,回归主题:"Let’s set up a system to rate films. As for TV programs, keep them clean as family entertainment." ("让我们建立一个电影分级制度。至于电视节目,让它们老幼咸宜。")
修改后:
英语作文修改:电影分级 - 修改后
翻译:
目前,中国的电影和电视剧没有分级。成年人和孩子经常一起去看电影,不管正在放映的是什么片子。很常见的还有,一大家子人,爷爷奶奶、爸爸妈妈和家里的孩子,都坐在一个电视机前看同一个节目。很多人认为这种情况至少制造了两个问题。
第一,电影创作者很为难,因为他们不知道应该制作出什么样的影片,以便同时满足成年人和儿童的需要。他们努力取悦成年人,同时又尽力避免对儿童施加不良影响。这样,电影创作者同时失去了两组观众,同时也失去了钱财。
第二,年轻的观众,尤其是小孩子,很可能受到未分级的影视的不良影响。在那些本不是为他们制作的作品里,他们看到大量的暴力、色情和犯罪。许多少儿在日常生活中模仿他们在影视中所见,这种行为损害社会、损害个人。
我认为,非常有必要对电影分级。近年来少儿罪错的显著增长在一定程度上源于他们不应该观看的影视。这真是气人呐,因为影视本来应该育人而不是毁人。让我们建立一个电影分级制度吧。至于电视节目,我们应该保持它们作为家庭娱乐的纯净,让它们老少咸宜。
随笔:
美国电影的正式分级有五个。第一,G,General,普通,谁都可以看。第二,PG,Parental Guidance Suggested,父母指导,小孩可以在大人陪同下观看。第三,PG-13,内容不适合13岁以下的儿童。第四,R,Restricted,限制,如无家长陪同,17岁以下的未成年人不可观看。第五,NC-17,No Children under 17,17岁以下的未成年人不可观看,有家长陪同也不成。
再就是等而下之的级外片,就是只有一种颜色的那种。
在中国,主张电影分级有一定的道理,但也有一定的负面作用。搞了分级,就等于是将某些内容合法化了。没有分级制度,那就是小孩子监督大人,我们在,不许你们办坏事。这个其实具有一般意义。所谓的成人,如果他们不用担心孩子,什么事情就都可以放开了搞,事情不知将伊于胡底。在中国,大家伙儿也不怎么信上帝,道德就是基于家庭,事情尤其如此。
在非常革命的年代,清教徒式的文化盛行,即使是成人,尤其是成人,不许胡来。不是说吗,乡间生产队来了电影,苏联东欧片,那也是革命的,但它有亲吻的镜头。于是公举一位德高望重的的老大爷,在不可言状的行为即将发生的时候,喊那么一嗓子:"老乡们,闭眼啦!"
那么人们闭没闭眼呢?恐怕有那已经点头打瞌睡的,听到这么一句,顿时来了精神。