When I was seven years old, I would put my school book bag on both my shoulders and had it sit plumb in the middle of my back, as backpacks were made to do.

在我七岁那年，我会用双肩背书包，让它处在我背部的正中央，感觉双肩包就应该这么背。

One morning, when it was so frigid outside you could barely muster getting out of bed, my older brother joined me at the bus stop, and told me I was wearing my backpack wrong. He grabbed it, tossed it over my right shoulder with both straps on the same side and said, “There, that’s better.”

某天早晨，外面寒风萧瑟，冷到你根本不想起床，我的哥哥跟我一同在车站等车，他告诉我我的双肩包背错了。他一把抓过来，将书包和两侧的背带甩至我的右肩，然后说“看，这就好多了。”

Then he said, “You’re not pretty, so you have to try harder. OK?”

然后他说，“你不漂亮，所以你要更加努力，明白吗？”

I stayed smiling because even at a young age, I understood the importance of pretending to not have emotions. In my household, it was a matter of survival. But what he said crushed me.

我的笑容凝固了，因为即便在青少年时期，我也知道假装不露声色的重要性。在我家里，这是一种生存技能。但是他说的让我感到崩塌。

Soon thereafter, I started picking up on the signs one receives when they aren’t attractive. This was made more complicated because I had a lot of friends and people who, for the most part, liked me. I was good at sports. I had various musical talents and up until life completely fell apart at home, I was a good student. I was also a fighter so people didn’t dare make fun of me overtly, at least before growth spurts kicked in and the playing field was still even.

此后，我开始关注人们对于低颜值人的反应。这可是比较浩大的工程，因为我有许多朋友和家人，他们大部分时候还是挺喜欢我的。我擅长体育，具有各式的音乐天赋，而且直到我的家庭生活彻底支离破碎前，我也是个好学生。我同时也很好强，所以人们不太敢公然地开我玩笑。至少，在发育高峰之前，生活还是比较公平的。

Mostly, I paid for not being conventionally attractive by being ignored or not included in “moments” – the many moments attractive people experience.

很多时候，我因为没有高颜值而被人忽略或无法经历“某些时刻”——那些具有高颜值的人所经历的时刻。

Many times, I walked into a room with all of my friends and witnessed them receiving compliments – everyone except me. It’s not that people look at you say, “My god, you’re incredibly ugly. Tell me, how do you not kill yourself?” It’s how you can stand next to an attractive person and the people around you, even the unattractive ones themselves, will say, “Wow, your friend is pretty. Look at her, have you ever seen a girl so pretty?”

不知多少次我和我朋友一起走进教室然后看着她们接受别人的赞美，除了我之外每个人都有。也并非人们看着你说“天哪，你真是丑啊，你为什么还活着呢？”，而是你站在美女或帅哥旁边，人们围着你，甚至毫不起眼的人他们都会说“噢，你的朋友真漂亮。看看她，还有谁能美过她呢？”

It took me being observant and honest to see I didn’t belong. It took studying the aesthetics in photos taken by my friends and knowing something wasn’t quite right. It’s a lack of pride you know would be there if you were just prettier, or sexier. It’s that you simply know that no matter what you do, sans literal plastic surgery, you will never belong to a certain club.

我善于察言观色，而且很诚实，所以我知道我注定不合主流。我仔细研究我朋友照片中的美学，然后发现某些东西并非是真理。如果你仅仅是姿色更上一层或性感尤物，你却缺乏油然而生的自豪感。你明白无论你怎改变，除非整形，你永远不会属于高颜值的团体。

But here is where I throw you a curve ball: my being unattractive hasn’t stopped me from living the other side’s life. Most people never figure out how to navigate this world I live in. I will just tell you I rejected the rules of the beautiful, and learned how to make them work for me.

但是现在我给你一剂药方：我的不出众的相貌并不能阻止我拥有自己的生活。许多人在处于和我一样的境地时都不知道如何掌控他们自己的方向。我想告诉你的是：我打破了颜值定律并让他们变得有利于自己。

I decided I would shoot out of my league. I made friends and dated people I shouldn’t be allowed to date. I stepped over the line. I surrounded myself with individuals who are more educated, prettier or smarter than me, even in the face of people saying, quite literally, “they are out of your league.”

我决定扩展我的圈子，我和以前觉得不能交朋友的人交朋友，和以前觉得不能约的人约会。我越过了那条线，周围全是比我更有学识、更漂亮的人，甚至人们告诉我，非常实事求是的说“他们可不是你圈子里的人啊”

I may not technically be the smartest or most beautiful person, but I run with those who are. I become by association, even a touch of such, even at a lower rank – beautiful. I buck the system.

我也许不会是最聪明最漂亮的人，但是我和这些人一同奋斗，哪怕仅有一点点提升，哪怕仍然没那么漂亮，我踢爆了这个固有的规则。

To do so, yes, means you may be painfully aware of what you are and will never be. You will be defined by what you have the nerve to aim at being. In doing so, you will challenge and question what smart is. You will not be generic, or predictable. Attractive is only what we define it to be. Don’t pigeonhole yourself so quickly. Live the life you want to live – even if you didn’t win the genetic lottery.

是的，这样做你也许会痛苦的发现自己的真想并再也不可能成为“漂亮”的人。你前进的目标将定义你自己。如此一来，你会挑战和质疑“聪慧”。你将成为个例或非等闲之辈。美丽仅仅是我们给的定义。别那么快的给自己归类，即使你没有天赋，也要活出自己的精彩。